The First Time
by Skyelyr Shepard
Summary: A collection of moments with Shepard from Kaidan's point of view. Seeing her, meeting her, loving her, missing her: all for the first time.
1. Seeing

Brain camp was over. Finished. And it was all because of him. He felt the stares, heard the whispers of the other cadets as they lined up for the shuttles. Kaidan punched buttons on his omni tool, pretending to be occupied. Inside, however, he felt sick. He could still hear the crunch of _that turian's _bones, the pounding in his ears and Rahna's sharp inhale at his back. He gave up on his omni tool as he settled into the shuttle's plastic seat. Jump Zero was their destination. It was going to be a long flight. Kaidan leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. _Here's to new beginnings. _

The First Time

_Elysium. Hero. Attack. Shepard._ Shepard_. _Kaidan heard them but did not understand. He had just come in to check on his requisition from the training officer and found the Alliance office filled. Whispers filled the room. Some were crying. The wallscreen at the far end of the expansive building was showing an anxious blond newscaster. _Shepard. Elysium. _

Kaidan froze in the dim room as gunfire erupted from the screen. The colonists were running in a constant stream in and then out of the security camera's vision field. They came in droves through a wide opening in the boundary wall, obviously fleeing whatever was causing the sound of gunfire. _Slavers._ There was a short pause in sound from the video as the ground emptied of colonists. Emerging from the darkness beyond the wall suddenly came a single figure. Slim, leggy and with a head of red long hair the woman gazed in the direction the colonists had been running. She had a huge gash on the side of her face and was holding one of her ribs with one of her hands but she stood light on her feet. She did not run after the colonists. _Shepard. Elysium._

It was impossible to tell what expression was on her face due to the grainy quality of the video. The woman hung her head for a moment. Then she turned, squaring her shoulders, to face the opening. A slender arm drew a pistol from her back. A single second of silence passed. Then the screen exploded.

People in the room drew back. There were screams, cries of surprise. Kaidan gazed with horror at the scene before him. Flashes of blue and red, explosions of gunfire, a body flew through the air. Was it hers? Something choked Kaidan at that thought. A stray shot struck right above the camera and it gave a sudden lurch, turning the wall in front of Kaidan into a whirl of color. The camera came to a sudden stop on the edge of the building below, caught in its support beams. Kaidan gasped as the scene cleared.

She had the fastest reflexes Kaidan had ever seen. How she was managing to twist and shoot two pistols was beyond him. A figure stepped in front of her and she dropped her pistols and ran at him. Her hair was streaming behind her, a streak of fire. She leaped. The room was silent. Blue energy erupted from her, streaking out in all directions. She landed on the chest of the already falling figure and pushed off. Soaring much higher and faster than any normal human she leaped right towards the waves of armored enemies, legs outstretched, fists balled. Descending through the air she slowed. Light seemed to gather around her and she glowed so brightly the scene became lit like day. With a flick of muscle her legs stretched out beneath her and she threw her arms out to either side and the screen erupted into blue-white light. Then the camera fizzed into static.

The newscaster returned. _Single-handedly. Medal of Terra. Hero. Shepard. _Shepard.


	2. Meeting

Kaidan was jumpy. He had been on the Normandy two days now with no sign of their superiors showing up. They were just sitting in dry dock on Jump Zero, awaiting some Alliance officer to take command. There were rumors flying within the crew about who it was but Kaidan didn't like to listen. He felt separate, distant from this crew. They had all gone through training, boot camp together and Kaidan, the lonely biotic, sat in the mess eating twice that of a normal crewmember and wishing he could see some action soon.

He would always remember this day. He could retrace the entire day from memory, and he often did when he was alone. He was wearing his second casual outfit, the one with the extra pockets. He was standing at the crew deck extranet console, checking news of a storm front in Vancouver. Crewmember Jenkins was standing at his side, trying to tease him about a girl on their recent shore leave that had taken a liking to him.

"I can't believe you Kaidan, you had the most beautiful girl in the bar trying to take you home and you said no!"

He had laughed at the expression on Jenkins' face and turned to face him when Jenkins' eyes drifted over his shoulder and his expression changed. The world tilted. He heard his breath loosen from his chest and drift. In his peripherals as he turned he saw Jenkins snap off a crisp salute. His was moments away, feet already coming together, elbow bending, muscles tightening. Then his world changed.

She was standing there, in full battle armor, glossy red hair piled into a neat bun on the top of her head. Two pistols holstered to either hip. She was beautiful. She was lean, straight backed with a softness to her face betraying her youthfulness. Full lips curved back into a smile as she nodded at several crew who had stood up from their lunches to salute. Her head turned slightly to look directly at Kaidan.

Two years later Kaidan would lay alone on the floor of a small apartment surrounded by bottles of beer and the shambles of his life and replay this moment over and over, the hollow echo of his heart causing him pain with every beat.

Startling green meet brown. Energy, nearly tangible, flowed along their connection. He could see from the way her pupils dilated and how her smile slipped from her lips she had noticed it as well. The moment lingered. The momentum of his salute carried it to completion and she nodded and turned away.

"Holy hell. Is that…"

"Shepard," Kaidan whispered. _Shepard. _


	3. Touching

He hadn't the heart in him to tell Shepard why he'd really come looking for her. She looked so damn dejected sitting against her locker. Her whole body was crumpled inwards in an expression of defeat. But what distressed Kaidan the most was the curled stillness of her hands; hands that were always firing a pistol or hacking some terminal or curling that lock of red hair around her index finger while she smiled at him.

He tried for reassuring, but it came out as frustration. Shepard looked up at him and he felt the familiar tingle of eye contact.

_Can't just pull out a good old-fashioned 'it'll be alright' can you? _

He sighed inwardly. He was no good at this. This was Shepard's turf, being the rock everyone else came to with their problems. He was just an ever faithful scrub to regulations and look where it had gotten him. Stuck here, watching this remarkable woman fall further into misery while the galaxy just spun on, unaware. _To hell with it, _he thought.

_Everything will be fine, Shepard. You'll figure it out. _

The ghost of a smile flickered on to her face as she looked up at him. He found himself uncontrollably smiling back, and still riding this wave of giddy jauntiness, he extended his hand to her. She considered it momentarily, and with that fleeting moment a stab of panic shot through his stomach. What if she didn't want to…if she considered this out of line? Was he being too rash again? It was just like him to…

Her hand, cool from resting against the metal of the floor, slid into his softly. The last remnants of his nerves swept out of Kaidan as he lifted her gently to her feet, feeling the way her slender hand twisted in his. She was so close he could feel her heat, as though she were concealing flames just beneath her skin. He was lost in the clear green pools of her eyes, just barely conscious of her hand sliding up his neck while he pulled her closer. He had never noticed there was a thin line of gold around her pupil.

He could feel with absolute certainty what would happen next. Time swirled slowly and settled stilly around them like the crystals of sugar always did at the bottom of Kaidan's morning cup of tea. He closed his eyes and felt her soft breath on his lips then:

_Sorry to interrupt Commander, got a message from Captain Anderson._

He felt her soft exhale as she stepped away, looking down at her feet in a momentary and rare gesture of uncertainty. The rush of nearly physical pain that hit Kaidan as she widened the distance between them both surprised him and frightened him.

_What did he want?_

It was her commander voice she used now, as she directed her inquiries towards the ceiling, as was protocol for such communication. When Joker had signed off and she turned just her head to look at him, her body still facing stiffly away from his, her face was cool and composed, only that uncertain look behind her eyes betraying the struggle within her. Two can play this game, he thought as he attempted to quell the raging battle within.

_I guess you better go then._

She stared back at him for just a moment longer before she turned and left. Her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to say something but in the end she found something in his eyes that made her hesitate. And then she was gone and Kaidan was standing there and it was then that he finally realized why he felt like exploding; he had been holding his breath the entire time. He breathed deeply several times, but the feeling did not go away.


End file.
